Changing Habits in Your Life

Have you ever thought about the habits in your life? Each of us have a number of habits – some bad, some good - that we do each day. We might have a habit of smoking or eating junk food. We might swear when something goes wrong or blame others for problems in our life.

I was thinking about the habits I have in my life and how they have changed since my heart attack. Some of them are simple, like thinking kindly of others, while others are more dramatic. It’s becoming aware of our current habits, committing to change, and sustaining those new practices that brings us to a better place in our lives. Here are some examples of how I transformed some of my bad habits into a more peaceful life.

I remember getting together with my friends and spending the entire time complaining about all our problems. My mother is driving me crazy, my husband doesn’t understand me, the toilet overflowed today and made such a mess I had to call the plumber who charged me $200. On and on we complained, until we exhausted one another. It’s the little problems each day that pile on our stress until we just can’t take it anymore. When I used to reach that point, I would start yelling at everyone, then I’d slam the door to my bedroom and cry or sulk for awhile until I managed to get my emotions under control.

Now, if I have a problem that I truly don’t know how to fix, I might ask a friend for some advice, but I try to focus on the positive aspects of my life instead of the negative. I try to accept the people in my life as they are instead of wishing they were different or trying to change their behaviors. I try to take a step back from a problem and see if the solution lies within my control. If it is, then I come up with possible solutions. If the problem is beyond my control, I try to remain calm, accept the situation, and deal with it as best I can.

Eating habits can be a real challenge. I used to snack a lot, mostly in the evenings. My favorites were chocolate, ice cream, and cookies, but the snacking didn’t stop with sweets. I’d munch on potato chips, corn chips, popcorn, and salty nuts too. I didn’t entirely break the nighttime snacking habit. I genuinely get the munchies before bed. But now I eat healthier food like a small bowl of cheerios or a warm glass of milk. Did I cut out all the fatty and salty foods from my diet? To be honest, I’ll occasionally have a scoop of ice cream or a small piece of chocolate, but I found that I was able to train my taste buds to enjoy less fattening and less salty foods. It wasn’t easy, but it was doable. Now, I don’t miss the junk food.

Exercise is another challenge many of us face. It is much easier to come up with an excuse about why we didn’t exercise than to actually get out there and walk, jog, or bike. I used to complain about being too tired to exercise. I never wanted to exercise by myself, so I’d blame my lack of exercise on other people: My husband didn’t have time to walk with me or my friend called to cancel our walk.

Now, I do my exercise first thing in the morning. Sometimes my friends or husband join me, but if they don’t, I do it anyway. By exercising first thing in the morning, I can go about my day and not feel guilty about not doing what’s best to keep my heart and body strong.

Spirituality. I always equated spirituality with religion, but I’ve come to realize they are two different things. If you follow a particular religion, you have a set of rules to follow. Religion always conjures up for me good vs. evil, right vs. wrong. I gave up practicing any formal religion when I was in my twenties. I grew up Catholic, but when my first marriage failed, the church seemed to fail me too.

Spirituality, on the other hand, is an inner knowing. It’s a quality that every human possesses that connects the mind, body, & spirit. For me, spirituality is following my heart in whatever I do. It’s living my life with meaning and purpose, and being grateful for everything in my life.

Have you taken a look at your own habits? The secret to changing your lifestyle is making small changes. Don’t look at your life and say, there are too many things I need to change. This will only get your frustrated. Think about just one habit you’d like to change, then take small steps each day to transform a bad habit into a good habit. Write down what you’d like to change. Put the paper some place where you see it every day. It takes time. It’s not easy. But, with an awareness and daily commitment, you can do it.

Are you ready to make a change in your life?

Advice From A Tree

When I was in Sequoia and Kings Canyon National Parks last week, I picked up a new journal for myself. I journal all the time, sometimes in handwritten journals and now in this blog. Some of my journaling happens early in the morning when my mind is fresh with new ideas. Other times, I journal before bed, to clear mind for a good night’s rest. Most of the time, I pick up a blank journal at my local bookstore or received one as a gift from a friend. But this journal had a title, Advice From a Tree. Among the blank pages was a very inspiring verse I’d like to share with you. It was written by Ilan Shamir.

Dear Friend,
Stand tall and proud
Sink your roots deeply into the earth
Reflect the light of your true nature
Think long term
Go out on a limb

Remember your place among all living beings
Embrace with joy the changing seasons
For each yields its own abundance
The energy and birth of Spring
The growth and contentment of Summer
The wisdom to let go like leaves in the Fall
The rest and quiet renewal of Winter

Feel the wind and the sun
And delight in their presence
Look up at the moon that shines down upon you
And the mystery of the stars at night
Seek nourishment from the good things in life
Simple pleasures
Earth, Fresh Air, Light

Be content with your natural beauty
Drink plenty of water
Let your limbs sway and dance in the breezes
Be flexible
Remember your roots.

Enjoy the view.

If you’d like to purchase a copy of the journal, go to Your True Nature, Inc

True Independence is Letting Go of Expectations

Are we truly independent on this Independence Day? I learned a lesson from nature this morning. I woke up early and drove to a nearby war memorial at the top of Mt. Soledad to pray for peace. The air was moist from dense early morning fog. I could barely see 20 feet in front me as I drove away from my house. I wake up early most mornings and do the same, hoping to see a glorious sunrise over the distant Cuyamaca Mountains. As I drove through the dense fog, I expected today was not going to be one of those days.

Fifty feet before the turn into Mt. Soledad National Park, the fog cleared. I was above the clouds. It felt like heaven. Below me was nothing but gray, the entire city of San Diego shrouded in gloomy fog. But the sight before my eyes was pure joy. The sun was rising in the distance. Occasionally a thin cloud would drift by, trying to obscure the sun’s rays, but the bright ball of fire burned through and showered its light onto the Earth. How absolutely spectacular. And totally unexpected.

It’s interesting how when we set up expectations, we are also setting ourselves up for disappointments. It has been close to a month that I’ve been waking up early in hopes of seeing the sun rise, and each day feeling disappointed by what San Diegans refer to as June gloom.

How many times during the day do we expect something to happen and get disappointed when it doesn’t go our way? How many times do we expect others to behave in a certain manner and get disappointed when they don’t? How can we live our lives without expectations?

In my mind, I know the answer, yet in practicality I sometimes forget. Living without expectations is living in the present moment. Not thinking about what is going to happen in the future and not fretting over what has happened in the past. Living in the now.

So on this July 4th, let us all be independent and live without expectations.

Play For the Fun and the Health of It.

When was the last time you played? I remember when I was a child, my favorite activity was playing. I loved the playground close to my house. It wasn’t a large area, but it had the basics: swings, monkey bars, and slide. Nothing fancy, like some of the combination jungle gym sets you see in parks today, but just as much fun.

I used to have contests with my friends to see who could swing the highest. I used to look up at the sky and try to imagine touching the clouds. If it was late at night, I used to looks for planets and star constellations and wondered if there was life on distant planets. Another favorite swing activity was sitting on the swing and twirling in a circle until your feet couldn’t touch the ground, then spinning like a top to unwind. I used to love to make myself dizzy.

On the monkey bars, I used to swing hand over hand across the twenty-foot span, turn around and swing back to the beginning. My arms were strong back then. I remember wrapping my legs between two bars and hanging upside-down, then swinging my arms back and forth to catch my friend’s hands. You get an entirely different perspective on the world when you’re looking at it upside-down.

I loved to go down the slide, too – feet first or hands first, it didn’t matter - but the slide was metal and hot in the summer, so I had to wear long pants to protect my legs and to get some speed. Sometimes we’d bring a hose to the playground, attach it to a nearby spigot, and let the water pour down the slide – our own primitive waterslide.

Playing today is a lot different than it was a few decades ago. Now, kids play Nintendo and other computer games. As parents, we enroll our children in organized sports, so they get some exercise, but do they get the opportunity to engage in some carefree play? As adults, do we give ourselves the opportunity to play? Some may say that we have our tennis, softball, or golf games, but do sports engage your imagination? We attend concerts, stage plays, and professional sporting events, but do these activities contribute to our overall health?

This morning I took a walk along the beach for my daily exercise, but I took a few minutes for some play too. There’s a playground next to the beach, filled with sand. There are three sling seats and three baby swings, a jungle gym with a slide, and a couple of horses on heavy duty springs that rock back and forth. I found myself gravitate to a swing, pulling it back as far as I could, then I jumped on and started pumping my feet. I couldn’t get as high as I used to, but the ocean breeze mussed my hair and the water smelled salty. Seagulls feasted on yesterday’s trash. I watched some local surfers and remembered how important it is to play. Play for the fun of it. Play for the health of it. Have you had your playtime today?

Is it Right or Is it Easy?

Since my heart attack, I've shifted a lot of my thinking. I used to live each day by what I thought is right or wrong or by what is good or bad. Judgments and guilt played a heavy toll.

Religions have their commandments, bylaws, or rules to follow. But I’ve come to the conclusion that good vs. bad or right vs. wrong isn’t the best way to keep humans on the straight and narrow. I believe that everyone in this world is good. Maybe our actions aren’t always what others might think are good, so they label a person bad. But being bad or wrong carries so much judgment and guilt, that it’s time to rethink how we perceive ourselves and others.

I’d like to propose a change to: Is it right or is it easy?

If you’re human and have love in your heart, it’s probably not hard to do good things for yourself, your family, and your friends. It’s equally probable that you’re not going to spend your day intentionally hurting others. But when it comes to our actions, it’s much harder to make the distinction between doing something that is right and something that is easy. You can think about asking this question with everything in your life.

Say, for example that you are trying to watch your weight, and keep your cholesterol and blood pressure low. You’re under a lot of stress at work. It’s noon, and your hungry. You forgot to pack a lunch and have only 30 minutes to eat, swing by the cleaners, pick up your child from kindergarten and take her to the sitter. Do you skip lunch? Maybe you swing by McDonalds or Burger King and order a burger, fries and soft drink and tell yourself you’ll eat a light dinner. You need to nourish your body. But you also have all these other responsibilities. What do you do?

Here’s another example: You just got back the results of your bone scan. You have osteoporosis. You need to strengthen your bones. You’re already on Fosomax, so the only thing left to do is weight bearing exercise – every day. You start out with good intentions – planning to walk 30 minutes after you drop your son off at school. The first week you get into a routine and everything seems to be working on schedule. Then your son gets sick. You stay home and don’t exercise for a day or two. Your son recovers and returns to school, but instead of walking, other things creep into your schedule. You tell yourself you’ll exercise later, but later never comes. You fall back into your old habits. Most of us don’t think about the consequences of our actions until it’s too late.

It’s easy to blame ourselves and others for situations in our life, but ultimately we are responsible for our own actions, so the next time you have to make a choice, do you choose what is easy or what is right?

Not On Vacation Anymore

When does a short four day getaway begin and end? Does it begin when you are planning your trip? Or maybe it begins when you make your hotel reservations? Does it start the moment you leave work? Or how about when you pack your suitcase? Maybe is begins when you get in your car to drive to the airport or to your destination? Or do you wait until you check into your hotel to finally say to yourself, “Ah. I’m finally on vacation.”

Do you turn off your cell phone? Check in with relatives or friends letting someone know you arrived safely? Do you unpack your bags immediately and try out the bed?

When do you consider your vacation over? Is it at the time of checkout? Maybe it’s when you walk through the front door of your home. Is it when you reconnect your cell phone or pick up messages from your answering machine?

These are all interesting questions for me because I am very aware of just how much my external environment effects my stress level.

For me, my vacation begins the moment I get in the car and head for my destination. At that point, I can already feel my neck and shoulder muscles relax. I tell myself, “If it’s not packed, I will either go without or buy it when I get there.” I pack away my cell phone and disconnect from everyone not traveling with me. Now, I can honestly sit back and pick up the Frommer’s Guide and think about how I might want to spend my vacation time. Ahh.

Unfortunately, my vacation usually ends too soon. A case in point is my recent getaway to Sequoia and Kings Canyon National Parks. My husband and I are driving home. We are only a short distance from our lodge and I’m already suggesting that we stop by to visit my mother, who is in an Assisted Living facility that specializes in Alzheimer’s care. We’ve had spotty cell phone coverage high in the mountains, but we’ve received no messages. So as the saying goes, “no news is good news.” Right? I’m relieved that everything must be fine, but since I haven’t spoken to my mother or her caregivers in four days, I can already feel my guilt and responsibility buttons being pressed.

An hour outside the park, the cell phone beeps, announcing a message. The screen displays one unheard message. I retrieve my message only to discover there are actually four messages waiting. I press the button to listen to my first message. It’s my sister from Illinois, reporting that mom has a sore throat. Could I please take her some throat lozenges. The message is from Wednesday, the day we left on our trip – four days ago. I can already feel adrenaline creeping into my veins. Did my mother have a sore throat these past four days? Have the caregivers been monitoring her for other symptoms? Message #2, my sister again, this time she’s wishing us a Happy Anniversary. Okay, no more issues with my mother. I sigh in relief. Message #3 & #4, medical calls about my mother’s lab tests. I mentally make a note to call them back on Monday.

We’re driving through the Central Valley in California. For those unfamiliar with the area, it’s hot, flat, and hazy. We have at least for more hours of driving before we reach San Diego. My mother’s health is now in the forefront of my mind. It’s only been about two hours since we left the comfortable coolness and fresh mountain air of the Sierras. I try to visualize the beauty of the forest, the roaring Kings River, the might Sequoias, the delicate wildflowers. They already seem like a distant memory. Thank God for our pictures.

Time passes slowly along the highway. When we finally reach Los Angeles, traffic comes to a crawl. Pollution is all around us. I’m not really stressed, but I’m definitely not on vacation anymore.